The ringing in my ears came back this week. I haven't heard it much since my dad died. It's usually a sign that I'm under a lot of stress.
I'm carrying 20 employees through a pandemic at a restaurant with a dining room that is forced closed. I've never been more afraid and am fighting for every dollar they get. I'm working about 90 hours a week while getting paid $90 a week, just trying to get the team through this closure. The weekly payroll feels like a weight on my shoulders. This is the scariest time of my life. I've been having nightmares of being eaten alive by snakes and crocodiles.
Such pleasant times.
Anyway, I had what I believe was a panic on Tuesday. In the middle of it, I found myself physically convulsing, and then doing something I haven't done in years: I asked the heavens for a sign. Not for a big sign. Not for help, or even to have my load lightened. Just for something to tell me I'm on the right track.
Yesterday, I got it. And the sign was Bob Hope.
When I was little girl, I grew up just down the street from a house with a very tall and odd-looking statue of Bob Hope. At the time, I didn't know he was a famous actor and comedian. I just thought Bob Hope was a made-up character, meant to instill hope in everybody who drove by.
A few weeks ago, I was out by my first house, and I drove by that Bob Hope statue again; I saw that the owners were having an estate sale. The thought crossed my mind that Bob Hope would be getting a new home, and I'd never see him again.
Then on Sunday, I was driving home to my current house. Just a few doors down, here he was: Bob Hope. My new neighbors must have bought the statue at that estate sale. Bob Hope is following me around apparently. In fact, he's even closer now than he was before.
And that was all I needed. I burst out laughing, and felt instantly lighter.
Reader, whether you believe in hippie signs or not, I hope you can find something that makes keep going this week, something that reminds you of the bigger picture and of your place in this world. I believe it's worth looking for. We all need to know we're on the right track. It helps keep us light in these very dark times.
With that, I'm off to an early bed. Hoping my unconscious mind doesn't allow me to be consumed by crocodiles tonight. I'll see you next Monday. Keep hope alive. -Em