Everyday this week, I was caught with an egg on my face.
You name it, I wrecked it. At the building, I dealt with my own electrical load miscalculations, health department protocol breaks, and hood ansul system backtracks. In the music world, I double-booked shows, charted horn sections in the wrong keys, and forgot to pay my producer for his work. At home, I missed a daycare drop-off, lost kids' favorite toys, and was incredibly short with my husband.
Mistakes are my wheelhouse.
This time of my life feels harder than any other. I spend the majority of my days shooting in the dark, which means the majority of my days are spent bumbling. It dawned on me this week that I spend more time doing damage control than actually being in control. To make matters worse, the fires that I put out everyday are ones that I started.
Ain't that a kick in the head.
My mom recently reminded me of a quote by one of our favorite writers, Pema Chödrön. She once said, "You must face annihilation over and over again to find what is indestructible in yourself." Those words ring so true. The more that I withstand, the more I get to the core of what I am. Turns out there is a feisty, critical, joyful, and empathetic soul within me that is completely resilient to my daily destructions.
Reader, if you also find yourself too regularly in damage control mode, I hope this quote brings you a little peace as well. Every storm you weather reveals the essence of who you are. I don't know about you, but I find that comforting.
On a positive note, I recorded a live Christmas record last Saturday night in Chicago, and it was more fun than I've had in months. Nine musicians, 3 hours, 11 original songs, no edits. I'm calling it New-Fashioned Christmas and it'll be available this winter. Guess the songwriter in me is indestructible, too. See you next Sunday. -Em