In Utero High Five

Good Sunday night to you, dear Reader.  I hope you had a good week.  After two weeks of feeling pretty down-and-out about the state of our country, I've finally moved through my most intense emotions.  The anger, sadness, and fear that had reduced me to a pretty miserable person for awhile there have now gone through a transformation.    Rage has given way to resolve.  Sadness has given way to compassion.  Fear has given way to fearlessness.  

And seriously, hallelujah.  Because those first emotions (in the great words of Garth Algar) were sucking my will to live.  Today I feel like I can actually problem solve and help make positive change without wanting to scream at everybody.

To what do I owe this transformation?  As much as I'd like to take credit, I can't.  Honestly, I owe it all to a little kid that I have yet to meet.  

Being pregnant and in a state of extreme anxiety has been pretty interesting.  I don't usually notice the toll that stress is taking on my body.  In fact, sometimes I like the way stress feels.  There's a high, super-alive feeling that comes with heightened emotions of any kind, including negative ones.  And that high makes me more creative.  And it makes me feel more powerful.  And it makes me feel more self-righteous.

And apparently, it makes babies kick violently and induces early contractions.

This 30 week-old baby girl in my belly has been absolutely furious at me since the election.  Her movements in utero became almost seismic. She pressed into my backbone when I was depressed.  She pushed into my lungs when I was scared.  She punched into my stomach when I was mad.  So this past Thursday night, I finally started listening to what she was telling me.

Anger isn't good for either of us.

So without much ceremony,  I just let it go of it.  Just like that.  Because I was clearly damaging myself, and it wasn't helping anybody.  For these last few days, when I hear more bad news, I'm more able to think about the best way I can use my energy to address it.  And as much as I don't feel as super-alive anymore, I feel a lot more rational, and that's super in its own right.  

And as a bonus, the baby girl isn't beating me up from the inside anymore.

So thank you, little girl in utero, for making me grow up emotionally this week.  Consider yourself high-fived until I get to meet you in person.  And to you, Reader: I know we don't all have little kids in our bellies reminding us about the physical impact of huge emotional swings, but I hope this quick blog serves as one small reminder.  Being good for the planet begins with being good to ourselves.  I'm going to be keep that in mind as we move through these very trying times.  I'll see you next Sunday.  -Em

1 comment

  • Tom & Sheri

    Tom & Sheri Rockford

    Hi Em .............I look forward every week to read about what's going on in your life. Sometimes it's good , sometimes it's bad, but this week it,s really GREAT! So happy to hear that your anger and frustration have given way to calm and collected ( thanks baby girl). I just knew it would be a girl and I hope that she is as cute and feisty as you!!! Tom

    Hi Em .............I look forward every week to read about what's going on in your life. Sometimes it's good , sometimes it's bad, but this week it,s really GREAT!

    So happy to hear that your anger and frustration have given way to calm and collected ( thanks baby girl). I just knew it would be a girl and I hope that she is as cute and feisty as you!!! Tom

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