Fire Keeping

Dear Lord.  I. Am. Pregnant. 

This week, I started the process of recording my building’s Kickstarter album (again, more details there soon).  It was really great to get back into the studio, albeit strange.  I didn’t realize how hard it would be to get nice, full breaths in at 31 weeks pregnant…seems like the baby is hanging out right where my diaphragm used to be.  

It actually feels like I’m more baby than Emily this week. 

Historically, my go-to response to anything “in my way” is to steamroll over it.  I used to have a mantra that went something like “Don’t let your circumstances define you!” In my life, limitations have traditionally been something to overcome, to triumph over.  And I realize the irrationality of the approach, but what can I say: it’s worked for me in the past. However, I’m learning this week a tough truth: steamrolling over my pregnancy isn’t an option. 

And it dawns on me. Tough circumstances are like forest fires: it's unrealistic to expect to stomp them out in one-fell swoop of gusto-driven will power. Entirely the opposite. We must 1) stay calm and 2) tend to them with some care and mindfulness until they become more manageable.   

With the new approach in mind, I only worked half a day today before sitting down and taking it easy.  We hauled lumber from 9-noon, and then I just stopped. What an odd concept…actually letting my circumstances define my day’s activities. And while my brain screamed “CRAZY LAZY LADY! MOVE YOUR BUNS!” my body seems to be thanking me for listening to it rather than following the battle cry of my intensely merciless mind. 

All this to say, I’ll be slowing down a little more until the baby comes in an effort to work with my body instead of against it. I hope you’re having a beautiful week, Reader. See you back here for next Sunday’s reflection. -Em 

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