Covid Clarity

Most of the week was a blur. On Tuesday, I slept for 20 hours straight.  I remember the staff from my restaurant brought me soup and coffee.  I remember listening to some new music releases, and I remember Facetiming my kids. 

And that's pretty much it.   

I've heard friends say Covid is like a light cold.  The cookie crumbled a bit differently for me. I still feel like there's a heavy weight on my chest.   If you're one of those folks--like me 9 days ago--who thought Covid might not be so bad for you: please take this virus seriously.  If it weren't for an inhaler, I'd be having a hard time breathing tonight. 

It was rare for me to be so isolated for a week.  Even an introvert like me starts to feel lonely. But I was grateful for all the time to be an observer, to notice my own thoughts and feelings. 

One of the things I noticed most was my self-esteem plummeting. I realized in my fever-fog that way too much of my self-worth comes from doing/giving to others.  Without working for other people, I felt worse about myself. It was a scary revelation, one that I didn't like.   

One that I plan on righting. 

Reader, if you too get a little too much satisfaction from pleasing others, I invite you to join me in spending the whole damn summer learning how to make yourself happy.  I started today by planting a whole garden of strawberries in my backyard.  Because I like strawberries, damnit. I don't care that my kids prefer tomatoes and pumpkins.  Time to work harder for ole Number One. 

With that, I'm off to play a little music before bed.  Take good care of yourselves, and I'll see you next Monday. -Em

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