In all my life, I’ve never felt so uncertain.
With COVID-19 cases spiking all around us, I have no idea how much longer my restaurant will be serving customers indoors. Once that happens, I don’t know if we’ll make enough money to stay open. And I don’t know the best way to protect my staff when that happens.
And I don’t know if schools will be open in the fall, or if I’ll have to quit working to stay home with the kids. I don’t know how to teach them to read or write, and I don’t know how to engage them like a teacher without losing my connection as their mom.
And I don’t know if my upcoming album will sell enough to pay the bills or if anyone will even like the new batch of tunes. And also, my health hasn’t been too great lately, and I don’t know how to make it better without spending more money that we don’t have. And I don’t know how to make the world and the environment any better with everybody so angry at everybody else these days.
The year of 2020 is one big mystery.
I have just a few options that I can use to handle it.
First, I can panic. Which has never gotten me far in the past, though I still admittedly go that route. Second, I can punch back at the uncertainty with every ounce of savage optimism that I have coursing through my veins. Which would feel good, but ultimately wouldn't do any good.
The third route is the hardest: I can admit that I never really have known much, nor was I ever really in control, and this is just another opportunity to continue my education.
Damn you, hard route. Back to school I go.
Reader, the less we know, the more opportunity we have to learn. As unpleasant as it is, I'm choosing to get comfortable with uncertainty for the foreseeable future, and to see all these questions as an opportunity to seek solutions. I've been reading a lot, including a few self-help books about how to get used to being out of control, and I find myself breathing a bit deeper. If your days are also feeling shakier, don't forget how much power there is in just learning to be better in the new climate.
With that, I'm off to keep reading. I've made a lot of mistakes today, and I'll be learning from them too. I'll see you next Monday. -Em