I’ve been told that regret is a useless emotion.
I disagree. There’s a lot to be learned from it.
I have several regrets, and one comes to the surface often. I used to play volleyball in high school. After try-outs sophomore year, I was one of the few underclassmen invited to play on the varsity team. The coaches told me the choice was mine.
After very little deliberation, I chose to stay on the junior varsity team. I knew if I had chosen to play varsity, I would have been one of the worst players on the team. Plus I wouldn’t get to play much. But ultimately, I was just scared. Scared of not only sitting on the bench, but also that I would never be as good as the rest of the girls on my team.
That decision haunts me to this day.
Don’t get me wrong: I was good on junior varsity. I played all the time. But I didn’t get any better at the sport. It wasn’t challenging, and I didn’t grow at all as a player or as a person.
Fear seeks safety at all costs.
Reader, I think a lot about fear. When I’m scared, historically, I go to the familiar. Even when the familiar doesn’t make me better, I go to it because it feels better than being scared.
But I’m not interested in spending the rest of my life seeking comfort and security. I want to learn and grow and fall and laugh and live at all costs. So I’ve been doing small “acts of bravery” every day, and even though it’s not easy, it’s becoming more normal to be scared. If you too need a kick in the pants to try hard things, give it a try. It’s deeply rewarding to do stuff while scared Today I tiled and grouted a commercial kitchen. I did a terrible job. But I did it. I can’t wait to see what other uncomfortable things I can do tomorrow. See you next Monday -Em
