Nothing surprises me anymore.
I went from picking fresh daffodils outside of our house one night this week, to shoveling the front walkway of 3 inches of snow the next morning. I had to laugh, watching those giant Charlie Brown snowflakes falling down in the middle of April.
At some point, all we can expect is for things to not go as planned.
This week was hard. An old friend passed away, our finances went haywire, and my kids' homeschooling went out the window. And I noticed that the harder I tried to hold onto my original plans, the more I got upset. For me, there's little that's more stressful than trying to hold onto something that's moving beyond my control.
Which is just about everything these days.
Even more frustrating than losing control was losing the calm mind that I've been experiencing all month. Lucky for me, I'm stubborn. And I wasn't about to let that stress back into my life.
So Saturday morning--for the first time in my life--I figured out how to use my determination in a different way. When plans changed, I forced myself to stop. I didn't move forward. I didn't try to push or manipulate the situation. Instead, I pushed myself by mentally saying goodbye to what I thought was going to happen ("so long, dear sweet plan #1"). And then I greeted the new plan with fresh eyes and acceptance ("hello, you new weirdo plan, you.")
It didn't feel natural. It didn't feel good. But it did work. By Saturday night, I was back to feeling the same peace I've been cultivating all month.
Reader, there's a time to hold on, and there's a time to let go. Both require effort. If you're also struggling to hold on during this time, I invite you to join me in escorting out the original plan and welcoming in the bizarre new one. Grasping at old realities doesn't fix our new ones. The worst thing we can do when our best-laid plans go out the window is to jump out after them.
Who knows what this week will bring; I'm ready to have to loosen my grip, yet again. See you next Monday. -Em