This could be a really exciting week for me, Reader. I can see the finish line on the tar-scraping job upstairs at my building. (And in case you were wondering, that finish line looks like a bag of potato chips, a few drams of scotch, and a giant bonfire where I plan to throw all of my tar covered clothing). If I put in 4 more days of hard work, I think I’ll get it done. Hallelujah.
And then the real work begins…again.
When I started my Kickstarter campaign a year ago, I knew that I was working harder than I’ve ever worked in my life. I wanted it to succeed, and I stopped at nothing, even being pregnant at the time. Through tireless work, support, and luck, it happened: we raised enough money to keep the project going…
Then I had to work even harder than the last time that I said it was the hardest that I’ve ever worked.
And in a few months, I’ll have to work even harder than those other times. And so on and so on and so so so on.
I once thought that this ever-increasing work path was made possible by me getting stronger and more competent. That perhaps I was becoming in some way more able to tackle hardship.
But upon reflection this week, I can see that my seemingly newfound capabilities have little to do with me actually getting “better” at anything. I’m still the same me. Nothing has changed in me internally. I’m getting more accomplished because I’ve been forced to focus my attention on only one person’s actions:
With the giant workload, I haven’t had time or energy to spend on wondering whether I’m as good at what I do as somebody else. And my dear Reader, there is so much freedom in that thought. I used to spend so much time on how I was doing in relation to others. I don’t feel jealousy and bitterness like I used to. This past year—without knowing it—I’ve eliminated so many distractions and distracting thoughts that I’ve been able to comfortably push myself harder everyday. I’m running a one-woman race.
A race with scotch and potatoes at the finish line.
I hope you have a wonderful week, Reader. With any luck, in next week’s blog, I’ll be able to tell you that I burned my tar clothes in a wonderful bonfire extravaganza. See you then. -Em